The Day I Told My Daughter about My Abortion Decision

I will never forget the look of disappointment and confusion that flashed across her face. It seemed to cry, “Wait! What did you say? Dad, are you kidding?”

“She needs to hear it from you, not from someone else”—those words from my wife lingered all day. The movie Unplanned was just released while I was at the National Religious Broadcasters (NRB) conference, and my wife, daughter, and son went to see it. Our church, Westside Christian Fellowship, reserved two theaters that evening for the opening. Ironically, as I was leaving the NRB event, I saw Abby Johnson a few feet away being interviewed about the movie.

On the way home, I decided to tell my daughter about my past. The guilt and shame returned, as it often does. Even though I speak tirelessly about God’s grace and unending love, it’s not always easy to embrace it myself.

As I wrote in a past op-ed that you can read here, as a prodigal, I conceded to my girlfriend’s request to abort our child around the fifth week of conception many years ago. The pain of that decision still haunts me. What would the child look like today? Was it a boy or a girl? I can picture walking and talking with my child…watching his or her first steps…holding them when they cry and rejoicing with them when they succeed. But these are just dreams in my mind, dreams that often leave me heartbroken. Regret is one of the hardest pains to deal with because it is a constant reminder that we failed—failed God, others, and the aborted child.